We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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