im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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