5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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