Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
