is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
