Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
