They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
