I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
