My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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