I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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