He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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