well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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