I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
