Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
this is an emotional support booty call
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
