So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
