There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
