Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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