Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
