...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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