and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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