So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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