Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
