Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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