im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
