I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
