I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
try to milk me bitch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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