I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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