I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
