Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
