Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
