it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
