Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
