reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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