Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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