I just pynch a tree in the face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
