Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
