i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
