I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
