forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
