Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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