I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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