hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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