my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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