dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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