So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
