don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
