so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
