Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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