I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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