the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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