Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
