She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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