I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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