Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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